Let me help you
by Kikighghf
Summary: Zoe gets some sad and disappointing news, will she let Nick help her?
1. Chapter 1

**Ok guys, this is set in the current series (26), Nick and Zoe aren't together and never spoke about anything that happened between them just like in the series. I think it might be a one shot but we will see.**

Zoe emerged from resus, exhausted but pleased that she had just saved a patient.

"Well done, doc"

"No Lenny, well done to you" Zoe was called over to reception just has Dixie and Jeff rushed in the doors with a patient.

" , there is a phone call for you"

"Tell them I'm busy Noel"

"But it's oncology about missing an appointment" the moment those words slipped from Noel's mouth Zoe's world froze around her. She could see the faces of her worried colleagues look up from their work and begin to watch her. Zoe took hold of the phone, the colour from her face drained and without realising it her hand was trembling.

"Can I call you back?" Zoe then handed the phone back to Noel, she began walking and kept her head down so that she would not be faced with questions.

Then suddenly someone grabbed her arm, it was Nick. "You can take that phone call in my office" he whispered into her ear. Zoe turned to face him and mouthed the words "thank you"

Zoe went up to Nick's office and began dialling the number, this time she needed to face up to it, she had been putting it off for so long. She sat down on the sofa and put her feet up.

"Hello...mmnn it's Zoe Hanna...ah yes , I hope I didn't catch you at an inconvenient time... No,no its fine... Well then let's cut to the chase, your results are back and since you fail to turn up to appointments I guess I will tell you now. , your results have shown up an area of irregularity in your left ovary. The biopsy has confirmed our worst believes, it is a grade three malignant tumour"

Zoe was now speechless and in tears and at that moment Nick walked in and whispered "sorry" he grabbed some files from his desk and quietly left.

Zoe had now conjured up the courage to speak "So what's next then?... Well I think we should continue this conversation in the future , how about next Tuesday?... Yes that would be fine thank you, can you be honest with me here?, what are we realistically looking at?... Well , your a smart woman, and it doesn't help not turning up to appointments, we will talk further on Tuesday... Thank you...bye...bye"

Zoe collapsed into the cushion, her tears being absorbed into the lining. Zoe had seen people everyday who had cancer but she never thought she would be in that position, she was young, she had never even had kids and now her small chance just got even smaller.

Nick walked in. "I'm sorry I should be getting back to work, I will make up the time at the end of the shift" Zoe tried to get up but nick pushed her back down. The streams of tears visible on her face, the eyeliner blotched down her face.

"Are you ok? Take the rest of the day off"

"I'm fine" she began wiping the tears from her face.

"Oncology, Zoe ?" he sat next to her and put his arm around her.

"Yea, it was just a patients results"

"A patient that has got you in tears?"

"Yes, Nick, yes" and with that she stormed out. Nick sat on the sofa, his head in his hands. What was happening? Surely it wasn't Zoe , although he was quite young as well. Zoe didn't cry unless it was something really important to her, he had learnt that from experience.

**I think it's a one shot but I might do something with it, plz tell me if you like it.**


	2. An Old Friend

**Ok so I decided to continue with this one,thank you for all the lovely reviews. This is set in series 26 but at the beginning , so Ruth and jay are still there. Hope you like it !**

After Zoe left Nick office she went down to the ED but not without stoping at the bathroom first to clean herself up. She wiped away her tears and reapplied her make up. Zoe was standing by the nurses station when she felt a hand on her shoulder. It was Tess.

"You ok ?" She looked at Zoe with a knowing look. Tess had immediately thought what every other person in the ED was thinking when she saw Zoe's reaction to the phone call.

"Yea, I'm fine, just a patients results that's all" Zoe hated having to lie through her teeth, but couldn't stand that look of pity in her colleagues eyes.

"Ok, well you know where I am"

"Thank you Tess" Zoe knew her colleagues were suspicious, that was one of her reasons for doing what she did next but also she just needed it.

Reception was quiet and Zoe continued to get those looks of pity, no one but Tess had spoken to her. She broke the silence.

"Ok, who's up for the pub after this shift then" Zoe plaster a fake smile across her face. Her announcement was followed by a melody of "yes" and then of course there was that one party killer.

"Ruth..." Charlie knew it was worth a try even though everyone knew what her answer would be.

"No, thank you, I think I will just have a quiet night in" Jay so jumped to her side.

"Come on, just one drink"

"NO" she then picked up her files and stormed off. Not even Jay could melt the frosty Doctor Winters.

Everyone went back to work and Charlie was walking to resus when he felt his pager go off in his pocket. It was Nick asking him to come to his office.

...

Charlie opened the door to see Nick sitting at the desk doing paper work.

"Mmnn, I was summoned"

"Yes, thank you for coming, well what I really wanted to ask is have you noticed anything different with Doctor Hanna"

"If your referring to the phone call, she told Tess it was just a patients results. I don't think anything is wrong, she jested asked us all to the pub this evening" Charlie could see the worry lines on Nick's forehead deepen.

"Or is that just her way of coping with it"

"I'm not quite sure what you're getting at"

"Oncology Charlie !"

"Like she said a patients results"

"How many times to they call the ED with results asking for a specific Doctor and say its urgent? I found her in tears Charlie!" the expression on Charlie's face dropped, he now knew what Nick was implying.

"Ok, well let's not jump to conclusions, for all we know it could just be her mother" they both sat there in silence for a few moments considering this option when there was a knock on the door. It was Zoe.

"Oh I'm sorry, I'll come back later" Nick and Charlie both looked up, both equally shocked at who was standing in the doorway, maybe they would be finding out the truth soon enough.

"No, no, I was just leaving" Charlie brushed by Zoe and gave her that same look of pity as he left.

"Listen, Zoe is everything ok?"

"Yes, you just keep pushing don't you, I'm FINE... Anyway that's not why I'm here" Nick was now dumbstruck why the hell was she standing on front of him.

"I need tuesday off, I promise I will make up the time"

"Ok, anything interesting"

"What I do in my personal life is no longer your business" the fury rose with Zoe she turned around to storm out but something stopped her when she reached the door.

"I'm sorry, we are going for a drink tonight if you want to come?"

"No thank you, I have plenty of paperwork to do" Zoe left, slightly disappointed that Nick rejected her offer.

Nick sat at his desk, the thoughts in his head driving him crazy. He had to know and she obviously wasn't going to tell him. Nick got up from his desk and walked over to the sofa, he picked up the phone and pressed the green button twice to ring the last number.

"Hello this is Doctor Clarke... Ah Sarah this is Nick Jordan from the ED... It's nice to hear from you again Nicolo, so the ED is where you ended up... It is so where did you end up?... Gynaecological oncology, but I'm guessing you didn't ring me to get in touch with an old friend...well...is this to do with a certain doctor Hanna... You could say that... Well Nicolo you know more than anyone that patient confidentiality applies... So she is a patient of yours then?... You know I can't answer that... What if I were to tell you I was her partner ?... Well then I would tell you to speak to Doctor Hanna, I'm sorry Nicolo but you know how it is, I hope to bump into you some time... Yes I understand thank you, and Sarah it was nice to hear your voice again"

The line went dead, now he was sure.

**Please review, I hope it was up to standard. I have a few ideas for the next few chapters. I promise I will update soon.**


	3. How dare you

It was Tuesday morning, the day Zoe would find out her fate. She drove to holby city hospital, but was careful to park around the back, so as her colleagues would not recognise her car. Zoe parked and turned the engine off, she took a deep breath and pulled the mirror down to check her make-up. Zoe then grabbed her sunglasses out of her bag and put them on, just in case she met anyone on the corridor.

Zoe sat in the reception area waiting to be called, hoping no one she knew would walk through the door. She picked up the magazine and began staring at it, she never really saw the point of the magazines in waiting areas like this, how could anyone read a magazine when they were this nervous.

"Zoe Hanna" there it was, it was finally her turn. Zoe stood up and walked into the office.

"Doctor Hanna, nice to see you, sit down, how are you feeling?" Zoe grabbed the chair and sat down.

"Well you know the nausea hasn't subsided but I can deal with it"

"There isn't really anything we can do about that and I cant say it wont get worse"

"Yea it's fine"

"So we are here to talk about treatment and as I'm sure you know the best option for cancer like this is a hysterectomy and then continued chemotherapy and radiation" these words burned through Zoe's heart, she knew this was what she was going to hear but this took away any chance she had of having children, her eyes began to well up. And then she thought to herself why me? She had never had any luck in life and had to work for everything she ever got, she was never lucky in love and she never had kids.

"But considering your age and because the cancer is only on the left side you also have the option of a unilateral salpingo-oophorectomy and radiation or chemotherapy"

"Ok, so I would still be able to have kids with that option, but would you recommend the first one?"

"Well if you were to have the hysterectomy children would be out of the question and because of your age you would be on hormone replacement drugs for the next ten to twenty years, however in does have its benefits, a hysterectomy would significantly reduce the chances of the cancer cells returning in the future and we would be sure we had got everything"

"To be honest I'm verging toward the oophorectomy, what is the recovery time like ?"

"You would be in hospital for about two days and then I would recommend you take it easy for the next two weeks to give the wound a chance to heal but Zoe if you want to go for this option we need to do it soon before the cells spread to the uterus"

"Ok yea, I'll go for it, we can always go back after and do the hysterectomy if it doesn't work?"

"Yes of course, the nearest slot I have is next Friday, you would have to come in in the morning for the anaesthesia and then you could go home on Sunday, will I put you down for it ?"

"Yes, that would be fine, get it over with"

"Zoe, by no means is this a simple choice, this is major surgery, take your time with this choice"

"No it's fine honest, I was prepared for the hysterectomy so this is better"

"Ok you know you can bring your family with you on Friday"

"No, there isn't really anyone"

" Your partner called, perhaps you could bring him, he called early this week and seemed quite worried ?" Zoe froze for a moment, who was she talking about and then it dawned on her that only Nick had access to that number. How could he do that to her, that was her private business, partner? Who did he think he was?"

"No, I don't think so he has work and that you know"

"Ok well, I will be in touch with you closer to the time to discuss the procedure further, although I think you know it in detail already"

" I do, thank you, we will speak then" Zoe grabbed her coat and left the office, just happy it was over. It had gone better than she had expected. However she was furious that Nick had gone behind her back like that, how much did he know ?, surely if he knew he would have said something, he never was one to bet around the bush.

Without thinking Zoe started walking towards the ED, she needed the confront him. She burst through the door of his office to see Nick sitting smugly at his desk, he looked up upon her opening the door.

"Zoe, I thought..." she cut him off

"WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE ? That phone call was private !" Zoe was furious she was screeching and she didn't care who heard her. Nick was shocked, he knew what he did was wrong but he really didn't think Zoe would react like this.

"I mmnn, I thought..."

"You thought you were my partner ?"

"Zoe please you weren't going to tell me what was wrong, and I was worried"

"You worried about someone other then yourself? Please, let's not pretend to be something we're not. So did she tell you then ?"

"Tell me what Zoe?"

"I have cancer, but it doesn't affect my work so it is none of your business" she could feel her eyes beginning to fill with water. That was the first time she had told anyone, the first time that she had said that word aloud in reference to herself.

"Oh Zo" but before he could finish she was gone, she began to walk down the corridor. He stuck his head out the door to see her half way down the corridor in her characteristically high heels.

"Zoe you can't just leave after saying something like that" he shouted down the hall.

She turned around for a split second to respond "I just did" Nick stood there as if he was glued to the floor and watched as the woman he once loved, still loved slipped around the corner.

**Hope you liked it. I'm not a doctor (far from it) so I hope the medical stuff was accurate, I did research it. Please review, it makes me happy. I promise I will update ASAP.**


	4. Prepare

Nick sat at his desk, reflecting back on the conversation he had just had with Zoe. Surely he had heard her wrong, she couldn't be sick, not his Zoe. Nick tried to call her but it went straight to voice mail, he then text her and paged her. No answer. Nick considered going to her apartment but then decided against it as he was in the wrong and she deserved some privacy. He decided he would wait till tomorrow to talk to her.

...

Zoe walked into work wearing sunglasses ,she was obviously hungover. She thought to herself how could she be ? She had only had one glass. She then came to the conclusion that it must of been a mixture of her medication and the alcohol.

"Goodnight last night Doctor Hanna" Noel and Dylan were standing behind the reception desk watching her and smiling.

"Noel, do you have one of those fizzy vitamin things" he handed her a pack of berocca. She grabbed a bottle of water from her bag and dropped two of the orange tablets in.

"Only you could get away with this one doc"

"Why thank you Noel "

Zoe then left and put her stuff away, ready to start work. She felt her phone ring in her pocket.

"Hello...Doctor Hanna, I have that medication we spoke about, I have time to drop it down if you want... No, no its ok I don't start work for another 40 minutes so I will come to you... Ok, I'm in my office... See you in a few minutes... Bye"

Zoe quickly left the staffroom and walked through reception hoping not to be noticed.

"Doctor Hanna can you have a look at my patient in cubicle two"

"Dylan, you are a perfectly qualified doctor, besides my shift doesn't start for another half an hour"

Zoe then got into the lift and proceeded to make her way up to the office. She knocked on the door and walked in.

"Nice to see you, how have you been feeling"

"Not too bad, thank you Sarah" Sarah handed Zoe the pack of tablets and large box. Zoe looked at her with a puzzled face, she had no idea what the large box contained.

"Ok, one in the morning and one in the evening, they will increase the nausea but that's what those injections are for, if you feel sick or have been sick use one, but never use more that three a day"

"Ok thank you Sarah, I better get back"

"OK I will see Friday Morning, remember don't overwork your self"

"Easier said than done" And with that Zoe left and returned to the ED.

…...

Zoe was treating a patient in resus when she suddenly had that warm feeling in the back of her throat and then a wave of nausea crashed over her, she felt herself rushing towards the ladies toilets. Zoe ran into the cublicle and renched into the toilet. When she lifted her head up she felt a hand rubbing her back. Zoe turned her head around to see Tess standing there.

"I'm sorry , I shouldn't have left like that"

"Oh forget that, are you ok"

"Yea im fine" And with that Zoe grabbed a piece of tissue paper and emerged from the cubicle to see Tess looking at her with a knowing look.

"Its probably just a bug"

"Are you sure there isn't any chance you could be pregnant?"

"No, I'm not" Tess shot Zoe a sympathetic look.

"Maybe you should do a test?"

"I'm sure, Tess. As much as I wish I was I'm not"

"Ok then, well take it easy and let me know if you feel worse"

Tess left the toilets, she was sure there was more to it then a bug and Zoe wasn't that hungover. She found her self waling up to nick office. Even though him and zoe weren't together she knew he still cared. Tess knocked on the door once and walked in.

"Ah, Tess what can I do for you?…. Actually I have been meaning to ask have you seen Doctor Hanna"

"Actually, I came to talk to you about Zoe" Nicks face dropped when he heard this, was he about to hear some terrible news? " She left resus earlier and I found her getting sick in the toilet, she says it's a bug but she hasn't been the same all week, she insists shes not pregnant. Look, I know your both not together anymore but maybe you could have a word?"

"Yes, of course, thank you for telling me"

…...

Zoe returned back to the staffroom and grabbed one of the anti-sickness injections she had been given earlier. She walked over to the sofa and sat down. She read the instructions and then prepared the injection.

She pulled her top up slightly and wiped her skin to prepare for the injection. And at that moment Nick walked in.

"Zoe, what do you thing you are doing"

"Oh, here he comes again, this is none of your business, so stay out of it" Nick walked over and sat next to her and grabbed the injection.

"I tried to call you" His voice was calm and gentle, he didn't want to anger her.

"I know"

"Well it was late I guess"

"No, I just didn't want to speak to you"

"You never were one to jump the bullet, so are you going to tell me whats going on now" Nick placed his hand under her chin and tilted her head so he could see her eyes.

"I have stage three ovarian cancer but its treatable and its looking good" Zoe looked away when she said those words. Her voice was professional, she didn't want to give too much away. She stood up and began to walk away. Nick tried to call her back but she kept walking. She left the staff room and walked back into resus and got stuck into treating her patients.

Nick followered her out, he considered calling her back into his office but then realised he had no right. Zoe was no longer his, they were no longer attached. All they had left was a simple boss employee relationship.

**I'm sorry it took so long, but my internet was gone for the last few days. Is anyone else so disappointed that bbc never showed casualty on Saturday, I'm in Ireland so I can't get iplayer!**


	5. DDay

Today was the day, the day of Zoe's surgery. She had decided against telling anyone what she was doing. Zoe arrived at the hospital at six thirty, the earliest she had ever been there. But she wasn't there for work. She made her way up to oncology and waited to be called. Zoe sat waiting, she now regretted not telling anyone about the surgery, she was going to have to do it all by herself.

"Hi, I'm Julie" Zoe jumped when she heard the voice and hesitated for a second as she wasn't sure if she was talking to her. Zoe turned her head to see a woman of about sixty.

"Hi,I'm Zoe"

"I hate places like this, do you?"

"I work down stairs actually but yea I know the feeling"

"Oh so are you a nurse then ?"

"No, I'm a doctor, can I ask why your here?"

"Just some test results"

"Well good luck"

"I am prepared for what ever God will give me, I trust in his plan for me"

"That one way of looking at it"

"Your quite young dear so I'm guessing your here on work purposes"

"I suppose you could say that" Zoe didn't even have the heart to tell a complete stranger.

"Julie Banks" the old woman Zoe had previously been talking to stood up .

"Well good bye sweetheart"

"Good Luck Julie."

Zoe sat in silence,waiting for her name to be called, her hands trembled with fear. Zoe had told herself that it was nothing, just a stepping stone to get back to normal life, but really she was terrified. Every operation carried its risks and what would happen if it didn't to go to plan? Would anyone even care? Would anyone notice"

"Zoe Hanna" Zoe was brought out of her gaze upon hearing her name, she knocked those thoughts out of her head and stood up and followed the nurse into a cubicle.

"Ok Ms Hanna, Doctor Clarke will be with you soon" God Zoe thought to herself, she hadn't been call for that for a while. Zoe sat down patiently on the bed and took in her surroundings. Suddenly the curtain was pulled back.

"Ah, Doctor Hanna are you ready?"

"Yes, thank you , just ready to get it over with"

"Ok, well we will get on with in then, I will give you this gown to change into and then the anaetheaist will be coming in to speak to you"

"Ok thank you" the doctor flashed Zoe a smile and then went to walk away but when she reached the curtain she turned around.

"Do you want be to call someone for you, there really should be someone here when you wake up?"

"it's ok, but thank you" the doctor left and Zoe got changed into her gown. She lay on the bed with her mobile in her hand. Part of her wanted to called Nick and another part of her was wishing that he would call her. She went thought her contacts and stopped when she saw his name, Zoe was about to press the call button when the curtain opened.

"Zoe, you're the last person I expected to see here" Zoe looked up and was shocked to see who was standing on front of her. She really should have expected it but the thought had never passed her mind.

"Matt, it's good to see you again"

"Should I be worried?"

"No, it's nothing really"

"Ok, well I guess you know the drill, this is general anaesthesia and once I give it to you you will be unconscious within thirty minutes and you should wake up in about ten hours" Matt held up an injection and sat on the chair next to the bed. "Are you ready?"

"Yeah" Zoe pulled up the sleeve of her gown and Matt injected the liquid into her arm.

"So what now"

"Well, now we wait"

"We?"

"I'm due a break so I thought I would keep you company"

"Thank you Matt"

"So Zo, what have you been up to lately"

"Nothing really, the same old"

"Are you still Doctor Hanna? Or is there someone else in your life now"

"Still Doctor Hanna, not the marrying kind me"

"Yes, I learnt that once before"

"I see a ring Matt, are you going to spill?"

"I got married last spring she's amazing, I have a little boy now as well, Michael"

"that's amazing Matt, I'm really happy for you, how old is he?"

"Two months, hold on" Matt shuffled around in the pocket of his scrubs until he found his phone. He unlocked it and handed it to Zoe.

"Wow Matt, he's beautiful" Suddenly Matt's pager went off.

"Thank you Zo, but I better go, I will be back later good luck"

"Matt wait... I am sorry about what happened"

"It's ok Zoe"

Part of Zoe was happy that Matt had got everything he wanted, after her messing him around. But another part of her was incredibly sad that it wasn't her.

Zoe lay in the bed and gradually drifted off into a deep sleep, the anestheasia was taking effect.

**Hope you like it, there is something big coming in the next chapter. Thank you for all the lovely reviews :)**


	6. A Visit

**Sorry it took so long to update but I changed my mind so many times on what I was going to do and finally decide on something. Thank you for all the lovely reviews they really spurred me on to keep going with this story.**

**Back in the ED**

Charlie and Tess were standing at the nurses station looking on with astonishment at how full the ED was today.

"This place is manic today, we really need back up, Dylan and Ruth can't handle this on their own"

"I know Charlie, but everyone else has the day off, will I call a low come ?"

"Call Zoe she won't mind coming in, she practically lives in this place anyway"

"Ok, I'll page her first though" Tess paged Zoe and then returned to reception thirty minutes later to see if there was a reply.

"Noel, have you heard anything from Doctor Hanna?"

"No, but if I know her she won't be in any state to work" Noel replied giddily, he smirked as he turned around and returned to work. Zoe had a reputation for going a bit too far sometimes, especially when she had the next day off.

"Yes, but I might just give her a call just in case" Tess knew that Noel was probably right but she also had reservations in the back of her mind because of the way Zoe had been acting over the last few weeks. Tess walked into her office and dialled the number. A voice she did not recognise answered.

"Hello...Mmnn is Doctor Hanna there... She is in theatre at the moment but I can take a message... Sorry but who am I speaking too... Oh yes sorry, I am Nurse Barron, I work on the post-op ward at Holby City Hospital... Do you have any idea when Doctor Hanna will be available?... Yes, she should be out in the next 2 hours but it will take a few hours for the anaesthesia to wear off... Ok thank you... Wait sorry can I take a name" But before answering Tess had already hung up. Everything had now started to make sense, the strange phone call, the vomiting and the general down mood. Tess sat still at her desk deciding on what she was going to do, when Charlie knocked on the door.

"Can she come in ?" Tess hesitated for a moment before answering.

"Mmmn no, she's away at her mum's for the weekend"

"Ok, I think we will be ok, the place is getting quiet now anyway" Tess gave a slight smile as Charlie left. She was going to tell Nick but then decided that it was none of her business to tell him, that was up to Zoe. Tess decided that once her shift as finished she would go and find Zoe, not knowing what to expect.

...

Zoe's eyes flickered open to see Tess sitting at her bedside. She tried to sit up but slumped back down when she realised she didn't have the strength. They sat in silence for a few moments as Tess beamed that look of sympathy that Zoe knew all to well at her.

"I had to say I was your mother to get in, I hope you don't mind?"

"No, it's fine... how did you...find out?" Zoe's voice was still groggy as she had just woken up.

"I called your mobile to see if you could cover and a nurse answered"

"Oh" Zoe now knew her secret was out, she was no longer going to be able to get out of answering questions.

"Do you want to tell me why you are here ?"

"I had an oophorectomy"

"Well, I know that but why?"

"I have...I have cancer" Zoe's voice began to crack when she said those words.

"Oh sweetheart" Tess stood up and pulled Zoe into a comforting hug however she was careful not to squeeze to hard as Zoe still had a healing wound.

Tess sat back down when the nurse entered to look Zoe over, the nurse quickly left them in silence again. Tess shuffled in her handbag to find her mobile and then held it out to Zoe.

"Call him"

"What?"

"Call Nick"

"Tess, Nick and I aren't together anymore, he's with Yvonne"

"I know Zoe, but we all can see you both still love each other, the flirtatious comments and caring looks don't go a miss you know"

"Well, he's with Yvonne now, he's happy Tess and really don't want to mess that up for him"

"Ok, well I guess I can't force you too" Tess stood up and gathered her things.

"I'll be back tomorrow, so if you need something just call, goodbye sweetie" Tess leaned over and kissed her on the forehead before leaving.

"Thank you Tess...really thank you"

**Sorry it's crap, it's a bit of a filler chapter, the big thing will happen in the next chapter. I promise I will update ASAP... Probably in the next few days.**


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